The world of chemsex, also known as party and play or wired play, involves using illegal psychoactive substances to heighten sexual experiences. This practice, often associated with the LGBTQ+ community, particularly men who have sex with men, carries significant risks and can lead to a devastating spiral of addiction and health complications. Mattia and Adam, whose real names have been changed to protect their identities, shared their harrowing journeys through chemsex addiction and their eventual paths to recovery. Their stories illuminate the complexities of this issue, shedding light on the underlying vulnerabilities that fuel it, the ease of access to both drugs and partners, and the challenges in seeking and maintaining recovery.
Mattia’s initial foray into chemsex stemmed from boredom and dissatisfaction with his job and relationship. What began as a sporadic activity quickly escalated into a seven-year addiction. His days became consumed by a relentless cycle of drug use, pornography, online hookups, and masturbation. He spent exorbitant amounts of money on escorts and drugs, often exceeding £2,000 at a time, fueling a destructive pattern of unhealthy behaviours and distorted thinking. Even during sexual encounters, Mattia would continue seeking out other partners, driven by the insatiable cravings induced by the drugs. He resorted to lies and deception to conceal his addiction from his boyfriend and family, his life revolving around the anticipation of the next high.
Adam’s experience mirrors Mattia’s in its rapid descent into addiction. Initially introduced to crystal meth during a casual encounter, he didn’t become fully ensnared until the isolation and mental health challenges brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. Surrounded by a social circle engaging in drug use, he succumbed to the temptation, quickly finding himself consumed by the powerful allure of crystal meth. Like Mattia, Adam’s life became centered around his next fix, his days spent eagerly awaiting the end of work to embark on another drug-fueled bender. He found himself drawn into a dangerous underworld, associating with individuals whose lives were ravaged by addiction, their existence defined by their pursuit of drugs.
The drugs commonly used in chemsex, such as crystal meth, mephedrone, and GHB, create a false sense of euphoria, invincibility, and intimacy. This can be particularly appealing to individuals struggling with low self-esteem, fear of rejection, loneliness, and internalized homophobia – issues that are often prevalent within the LGBTQ+ community. Hook-up apps like Grindr further facilitate access to both drugs and partners, with users employing coded language and emojis to signal their interest in chemsex. This ease of connection fuels a cycle of addiction, making it increasingly difficult for individuals to escape its grip.
The health risks associated with chemsex are substantial, including an increased risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, as well as depression, anxiety, weight loss, paranoia, and psychosis. Injecting drugs, also known as “slamming,” carries even greater risks, including heart attack and stroke. Adam’s experience with psychosis highlights the severity of these dangers. He endured terrifying episodes, often surrounded by dangerous individuals, which ultimately served as a wake-up call, prompting him to seek help.
Despite being recognized as a public health concern for over a decade, access to effective treatment and support for chemsex addiction remains a challenge. A lack of understanding, research, and funding hampers efforts to address this complex issue. However, both Mattia and Adam found solace and support through organizations like Controlling Chemsex, a charity dedicated to helping individuals struggling with chemsex addiction. With professional guidance and the support of understanding individuals, they embarked on their journeys to recovery.
Recovery from chemsex addiction is a long and arduous process, often involving relapses and setbacks. Both Mattia and Adam underwent psychosexual therapy, which helped them address the underlying issues contributing to their addiction. They also emphasized the importance of deleting hook-up apps, building a strong support network, and focusing on long-term goals. Mattia, after confessing his struggles to his boss, received unexpected support, further solidifying his commitment to recovery. He now dedicates his time to running marathons and training to become a specialist advisor for other chemsex users, demonstrating his resilience and dedication to helping others escape the clutches of addiction. Adam, reflecting on his transformation, describes the past year as the best of his life, filled with love, support, and positive experiences. Both men serve as testaments to the possibility of recovery, offering hope to those still struggling with chemsex addiction. Their stories underscore the need for greater awareness, understanding, and readily available resources to support individuals seeking help and ultimately break free from the destructive cycle of chemsex.
